Finding a perfect reason

I've been trying to find an exact title for the post that will determine a little bit of what I wanted to proclaim about until I bump into my own memory of my old days. I realised that many had I done during those days in order to please human, in fact, I'm still scared if I'm yet to change that. Perhaps, it's better for me to stay that way, or.. not. I admit that I was better back at my old days, but that kind of 'me' had gone, it went away with its reason, only sentiments remained.

There was a time when there exist an urge or some kind of feeling inside me that kept on telling me to change, and I knew back then that I really have to change, but the 'I want to change' kind of feeling didn't come so sudden, until years passed. The last year of my middle school changed me from my "I have to change" kind of feeling into "I want to change" kind of feeling, but it was all because of a single person, and that was my sole reason at the time. I wanted to impress her with my personality, but my 'not so good' personality wasn't something that people would really like to fall in love with. So I secretly grabbed her phone number with a hope that the right time would come for me to text her a message, and to my expectation; that time did come eventually after I end my school.


I felt more like a friend to her ever since, and I wish I could be more someday, unfortunately; this wasn't happening of course. When I texted her, there would always be a little thing done to impress her, and I felt happy doing that. Months passed by, the gap between us was never getting closer, and it turned out to be the opposite, until one day she told me something that made me realised, I had lost. The 'I want to change' was no where to be felt inside, why is it? Because it's gone with its reason. To be precise, I lost the resolution along with my mortal cause, if the cause is mortal, then the resolution that come out of it would be mortal too.

To reflect myself, I need to realise about the inter-dependency of cause-determination relationship, and so I try to find and fix myself, then I found out about priorities and multiple causes. It was about the priority of each cause, and how losing it will affect my determination, or as I stated before, resolution. I learnt that every action is done with intention, and everyone will get as far as their intention goes. That's why I'll try my best to change, and find an even better reason, or cause to my determination, possibly a perfect reason.

Here is an interesting story I heard about, it was about an educator, and I think it's nice to be shared and reflected on.

A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large and empty glass jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes”. The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. “Now,” said the professor. “I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. The golf balls represent the important things – your family, your health, your children, your friends, your passions, the kind of stuff that if all else was lost and only these remained, your life would still be full. “The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. “The sand is everything else, the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first, there will be no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.”